


Elastic Heart

by EctoHoltzmann



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 01:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9297323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EctoHoltzmann/pseuds/EctoHoltzmann
Summary: "How many times had she tried to rewind time in her mind, tried to pinpoint the exact moment when everything went wrong?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> I dare you to read this while listening to Elastic Heart by Sia. I double dare you. ;)  
> I may or may not make a series of Lynchmann one shots. I love them so much.

How many times had she tried to rewind time in her mind, tried to pinpoint the exact moment when everything went wrong? The moments leading up to the events that would shape her personality even further.

Had it been their first meeting. The brunette oddly shy. The blonde, awkward but funny. Holtzmann just wanted to see her smile, having walked into the library to find a book, having found a woman about her age with tear swollen eyes. The quirky engineering student had spent the better part of a few hours making her laugh. Was that moment the one that had sealed her fate?

Maybe it was the first kiss? The classic date with pastries sprinkled with winks and flirtations. Her coffee as dark as her date's chocolate eyes. Holtzmann had been lost in those pools as she pulled back from the goodnight hug outside of Jennifer's car, completely prepared to simply wink and wish her pleasant dreams... the two already having planned to see each other the next day.

_Two steps._

Two steps is all the blonde had been allowed to take before gentle fingers wrapped around her elbow, turning her back, those same digits framing her face. She could still remember the silence between them. If she closed her eyes she could still see the moment like a video in her mind's eye. Their lips were a hair's breath apart, the engineering student standing on the tips of her toes as she closed the distance. 

Time had stopped. But had those lips forever forced her to compare all other sets to her's? 

Or maybe it had been the first time fingers had woven through loose blonde curls, Holtzmann settled comfortably between the taller woman's thighs, one palm spread against the flat expanse between Jennifer's breasts. Feeling the other woman's body respond to every measured touch, every languid swirl of her tongue and curl of fingers. Pulling moans from the taller woman's perfect lips like scarves from a magician's sleeve.

It had been the first time she had ever heard _Jillian_ torn from a lover's throat... and it set a fire in her soul. 

But those were all good memories. Certainly they couldn't be the cause of the pure and utter mess that was Jillian Holtzmann today. Her name would never sound the same coming from anyone else. But their wouldn't be anyone else. Funny how she hurt herself more with her naivete than any chemical in her lab. How her hopes cut into her deeper than any scrap of sheet metal.

Had it been that time when she had thrown a book at the wall. Her buttons having been pressed one too many times? Or maybe it was that first (and only) time they had physically fought. 

They had both had too much to drink, a party gone wrong, accusations slipping forth. Assumptions being made in regards to how much time Holtzmann had been spending in the lab, spending with Rebecca Gorin. She remembers the slap, and it too would play like a video behind her eyelids should she close them.

They had yelled, the blonde becoming ruthless with her words. Stating if she had wanted to fuck the professor she would have already, not even taking into consideration the fact that Jennifer was going through her own strains in her life. The alcohol muddling both of their judgement. Logic replaced with spite.

She was struck, she deserved it, but she wouldn't have that realization dawn on her until the next morning. Instead she had grabbed Jennifer's wrists to force her to stop. She wouldn't notice the bruises until the next day either. Maybe that's when she had driven the last nail into her coffin?

Was it when she tried to put the pieces back together? Begging Jennifer not to leave, watching her world come crumbling down around her like a teeter pillar of failure and guilt. They had both been a fault, but neither of them would notice until years had passed. Jennifer had been kind enough to seal this chapter of their lives with a last kiss...

Holtzmann could still taste their tears and feel the clawing fingers... even as they ripped away from each other. The door shut. 

She shut down... and that's what signed her death sentence. 

And she stayed closed off until Abby Yates came into her life, picking up the pieces once she noticed how many little bits of herself Holtzmann had strewn around her mind. So she had tried to block out all the memories with a mix of self-destructive behavior and a heavy dose of falling into bed with random cute girls. Funny how her reputation stemmed from a broken heart.

  


Fast forward the years. The engineer walking through the doors with purpose, all smugness and swagger. Blue eyes fell on a familiar form, one she knew intimately. There was minimal eye contact, her confidence failing her as she threw up her walls. Jennifer didn't linger on her. The lady killer was slain with barely a look.

Look days ahead and Holtzmann has disappeared from the lab, has turned off her phone, and has been determined to spend the better part of her day (and night) in a bar. Drowning your sorrows was so played out, so cliche, a total trope... but one that the blonde embraced wholeheartedly in her moment of weakness, floodgates having opened. All of the ghosts in Time Square couldn't compare to the damage a simple memory could cause. To think, the tall brunette with the severe eyes would be the one to take her down.

For the second time in Holtzmann's life.

And she never even noticed the way the love of her life had looked at her across that table as the words "Anything you need. Anything at all..." pulled themselves from Jennifer's lips. Holtzmann had focused on her drink. Stopping herself.

_You... I need you..._


End file.
